Sticky Serious talks.

I'd suggest looking into your school's counseling. They're gonna help a lot better than any online people can. There's too much stuff lost over the internet that needs to be processed face-to-face.

 

I know you’re nervous, but I’m confident in you. Let the anxiety make you more aware and thoughtful of your presentations quality, but don’t let it consume you. You’re going to do great. Just be yourself and let yourself shine.

And even if it doesn’t pan out, you’re young. You’ll have many more chances, as uncle Iroh said, “Failure is only the opportunity to try again, only this time more wisely”

 

Honestly it gets tiring being who I am sometimes

I dont want to go into too much detail but ive had a not so great life so far, and im physically and mentally ill in a few ways that make life a thick mud to slog through.

But I try and get on games like this, minecraft, etc, and I try my best to go against my nature and be social, friendly and try to give people an enjoyable time, instead of constantly being mean and rude like some people, and I just usually get shit for it. But I keep doin it because I want people to see that not everything is bad, not everyone is mean and i want them to feel welcome.

But god does it get tiring trying to be a positive energy when your life is so full of negative energy. I just want to improve peoples days, so they dont feel like me.

 

A lot of people here say I can't take a joke or that I'm too serious. I can understand where they're coming from but I just want to say for the record that I've had some unpleasant personal experiences with people with the sort of politically incorrect humor I've seen on this site and on the servers. Here is one prominent example from my days in High School;
-During lunch a stereotypical Jock walks in acting like he's hot shit and he comes across an African American student who is much bigger than him and starts joking about him at his own expense. I don't remember what he said specifically because this was like eight or seven years ago but anyway, one thing I do remember is him saying something in which he did drop the N-bomb and things went to shit from there. The black guy threw his tray of food across the cafeteria, knocks the jock to the ground and literally starts pounding the daylights out of the fucker while several students (possibly friends of his maybe?) try to pull him off. Now realize this was happening at a table that was directly across from the one I was sitting at so I along with several others witnessed that happen and needless to say it scared the shit out of me. I don't exactly know what happened to the jock but I do remember seeing the black guy being escorted out of the building in handcuffs just before the last bell of the day.

Mind you, this is just one personal experience that made me want to keep my hands (and mouth) clean of that sort of bullshit. I apologize if I come off as a prude for doing so and for criticizing people for spouting it here and in-game but yeah...I'd rather not end up like the jock getting beaten into the ground thank you very much.

 

Made my first few deliveries today. Orientation took less than an hour and I've already made 25 bucks from less than 2 hours of actual driving. It was my first day so I was just getting the hang of it, so 25 bucks ain't bad. I'm sure there are ways I can improve my speed or get orders quicker, but honestly, this will help a lot.

I really appreciate the tip.

 

I wanna add one thing. I regret posting that lol. My bad, I will keep it up cuz its dumb but I really appreciate the things you said to me so thanks.

 

I know this is a lot but I honestly just... don’t have anyone else at this point.
I’m booboo the fool I guess

Spoiler: very long personal thing. Sorry.

love to think I’m optimistic, idealistic and I make others happy but I just
Don’t have any drive anymore, honestly. I can still play games, stuff like that. I mean with life. I had a purpose but not anymore.
Ever since my fiancé left it’s been... odd. Things were bad even during the peak of our relationship (outside of relationship), and even during the worst of ours I knew despite everything at least I had my “Srodna duša“ as he once said in his birth language, my soulmate. He was there from when I finally got out of the terrible home I i was in, before I even got a chance to experience the internet or any pc game, afew years back. He showed me all he music I like, how to be a person who wasn’t just the sum of their mothers failure, the bastard. The son of the man who tried to kill her. That’s why I’m in the green card situation in the first place, because she had to escape. I cannot move on because everything in my life is tainted by memory of him, I cannot advance as I am tainted by the sin of someone I have never met.
I have dealt with countless bouts of drug abuse, smoking, alcoholism and suicide attempts to the point I cannot do ANY of the things I enjoy anymore, because I can barely read more than a sentence without getting a migraine, I can barely remember what happened yesterday without proof (like online messages etc, which is why I like forums and games like gmod), I cannot draw or play cello, because my hands nerves are fucked and arthritic, I cannot become a teacher anymore due to similar reasons, I cannot be intimate with others because a group of those much older than me thought it fit to groom me, and then later someone I thought a friend to ... physically assault me, if you get what I’m hinting at.


Everything I enjoy in life has been stripped away from me, I’m constNtiy getting sick due to stress and overwork but no matter how I try I’m getting nowhere. I try saving money I try taking classes it all just.. fails no matter how hard I presevereand I’m finally im just
At my rope.
And there’s only one thing that my mind tells me is right to do, and it taking everything to fight that urge so I can make sure others live happy lives.


This is the only place where I have much fun anymore and even here I get.. trashed on a lot, sometimes in good fun and I try to take it all that way but I’m so tire

And he’s gone and everything is worse now.


And I don’t know what to do

 

Sometimes taking a break from video games or even the internet is in your best interest. Do something productive, regardless of if you enjoy it or not. It's a part of life. This applies to everyone.
Go on a hike, window shop, eat somewhere/thing you've never eaten before, clean the house/your room, whatever it is. We can all get lost in the repetitiveness of life, and subsequently get bored of life, as if there is nothing more to see or do.
But this is just not the case. We refuse to get out of our comfort zone, therefore enclosing us in a self-created bubble that we don't have the strength to break out of.

As far as personal advice goes, you're 21, if the age on your profile is correct. You are just beginning your life. So many doors to choose from it's overwhelming.
You have arthritis? Some people don't have hands at all, yet they find the strength to continue. I understand it's unfair to compare problems across individuals, but sometimes you need a point of view from the outside looking in.
You can't be intimate with people? Why? Because some bad people did some bad things? It's traumatizing, but it's not all people. You said yourself that you're optimistic.
You can take that experience with your fiance in a positive or negative way. On one hand, he helped you get out of a bad situation. On the other, he left, as people do.
You're young so there will be plenty of opportunities to build and form new relationships. Who knows, maybe you'll find one who you love more than him.
And as far as the drug and alcohol use goes, I would bet that the sickness you're experiencing isn't from stress, but from drugs, considering not remembering the previous day is common for you. But that's just my two cents.

People take life at their own pace. Whether that comes to relationships, careers, identity, etc., it's all the same. Just because life sucks now doesn't mean it cant get any better.

 

I appreciate your words and some is true but, the main thing with my fiancé honestly is

They say I hurt them near the end, by not listening. That it was abusive in a way but they said I’m not an abusive person and I can get better. I’m only optimistic to help others usually, and my optimism and idealism blinded my perception of what they wanted and actually felt and it hurt them . I don’t generwlly hurt others and to have hurt someone so dear to me has just... even weeks later, shaken me to my core.

I’ve been mostly sober, basically completely actuallt for a while the memory issue is.. sadly likely permanent from what psychiatrist told me.

I’ll try and keep moving forward but I’m so tired.
I’d disconnect and go on a walk but I don’t get off days, I don’t get paid overtime, I work 50+ hours a week and I can’t quit or take a vacation until that stupid green card hat they can deny for any reason is renewed

It’s just a lot to handle

 

Unless there's more to the "abuse", and even if there were, the only crime you are guilty of is being human. Humans constantly hurt and get hurt, misunderstandings are as much a part of life as understanding. Abuse is very casually thrown around these days, but not often does it truly define what has transpired. If, as a human, you can look at what you did and acknowledge your own faults, you can grow and learn from it. I would even say that you are more kind and loving than you think in this moment, because your thoughts are about the affected, and not yourself.

You aren't a villain for hurting someone, you are human. You will continue to hurt, and be hurt by, others. It's your choice how you wish to proceed. However, don't demonize yourself. Try to forgive yourself.

 

I’m an asshole, and I’m ok with that.

 

Need someone of mature nature to talk with privately please...

 

Mr Peanutbutter here.

Local annoying weirdo of the server.

I relapsed last night on a lot of things.
My partner left me a week ago, and my ex fiance came back to harass me. My issues came back with a vengeance, all of them. My coworker decided she hates me. My father did too. MY medical problesm flared up, my substance abuse worse, and my medication dosage isnt being upped for another month.
Everything was too much.
Starting last week i began lashing out at people without meaning too, while manic. And now Ive quite literally lost almost all of the people i cared for and loved, aside from one or two.
Last night I attempted to end my own life and i hurt myself.
The first time id done so in what, 5 years.
All of my progress gone, and I honestly dont know what to do

where do i go from here

whats left?

 

Photography

 

You were sober for a long time right? I mean, you had accomplished that goal once before, and so you can do it again. Yeah, there are going to be points in your life where you are very lonely. I had that in my life for the longest time. I felt like nobody gave a shit about me, but I just put myself out there and I found the friends I was looking for. Look dude, we've had conversations over discord and you helped me with a lot of shit, and so obviously i'm always down to talk to you if you need to feel like someone cares, because I very much do. You are a great person man, honestly so kind, and losing you would suck. It isn't the best advice, but you gotta stay strong. You can do it, I believe in you more than I believe in anyone else.