Sticky Serious talks.

I want to be added to the list because I don’t want people feeling afraid to talk about their feelings and to know they aren’t alone

 

I am willing to help, please add me on the list.

 

I'd like to be added to that list.

 

Well as if videogames weren't bad enough already somehow I've managed to lay on alcoholism on top of that, it started off midly back in last September, I have always drunk a bit of beer/wine/champagne at celebrations and special times, it never really went past that until suddenly i made it a habit to drink once every Friday night with some friends, then once every Friday and Saturday, then I'd go all the way to Sunday, after that I started drinking beer or liqour whenever i went out for dinner and stuff and now it's gotten to the point where every second night i pour myself at least 3 shots of vodka or a couple of beers just to keep my mood in check, my parent's don't really know about, this and my mother would probably be devastated if she found out, I'm trying to get rid of it, but like my gaming binges, it always comes back...

 

You cant just get rid of it, best course of action is replace it with another less dangerous habit. You decide what. I for one layed off my cigarette addiction with eating tremendous amounts of candy whenever I had the itch. Unusual, but it worked. And after a while youll be able to replace that second habit with another even less affecting habit, til you just get comfortable.

 

Game more drink less?

 

Should've just vaped.

 

Sometimes, it's for the best to come out and explain the situation you're in to your parents.
If you don't feel like confiding in your parents, maybe your friends in irl could be used as substitute.
Things can be easier to fight/kick off the addiction if you have the support of somebody that you trust in.

 

Didnt wanna mention but actually tried for a bit, just made me nervous and made me wanna smoke more.

 

Try

 

Add me to the list please.

 

Add me to the list as well please

 

Add me to the list as well, I'm almost always available for a conversation during the day so don't be afraid to approach me.

 

I used to be on the list until I got banned. Add me on it too.

 

The list is updated.

 

I’d like to be added as well to the list please.

 

Still not on the list and I was basically the co-founder of the thread

 

So other than being a giant manchild and having an overall fucked up 2017 that also somehow managed to give my life some semblance of stability, there is one particular event that I still need some help sorting out, mainly because I have absolutely no idea what I did wrong. I am a complete social invalid. What you see from me in the forums is me in RL, just not nearly as bad (It's a big part of how I ended up on Disability in the first place), but in literally every case except for this one, I can figure out where or what I did wrong, and I can't stop thinking about it or going over it in my head to try and figure out what I fucked up.

So, my best and only friend since highschool

Spoiler

(And please understand, this is just because I go out of my way to avoid social interactions with people, since they generally end not so well. I can think of maybe 5 other people I've actually talked to RL who aren't in some way my Mom's friend or a friend of her friend in the past year, or a store clerk. This isn't at all relevant except to give full context of the sitation, please don't think I am trying to garner sympathy or something >.<)

and I have been developing and writing out games for a few years now. It's a friendship that I had valued highly, and I was trying everything I could to make sure I didn't do anything to fuck it up. I'd even ask occasionally if I were doing anything, and as far as I could tell everything was fine. We opened a discord channel and invited some other friends from highschool and people we knew who might be interested in helping out with the game. We were a few months in and I was having some trouble ordering my mic and camera for marketing purposes, and just getting some money in general as my SSI was getting sorted out. I actively avoided talking to the rest of the team, because my primary duty in that was putting together what everyone else had made, and writing the story around it. I posted a few awkward memes and at one point had to tell someone to stop sexually harassing another member, but that's about it. I can't think of ten times I actually really spoke to any of them, outside of direct business. Then, one day, one of the team members, our sound designer, challenged the fiscal side of things, specifically, to predict how much money we would make off a kickstarter campaign. Everyone I talked to said such a prediction was pretty much impossible, given how many variables such a campaign have, and how many of those variable s were unknown to us, so I kept firm in saying "I don't know" and "Everyone I talked to says it wouldn't work". This rapidly devolved into a fruitless argument, so I left before it could go any further. From there, it was made clear I was not going to be working with them any longer.

Me and Scholteheim agreed that he could complete TbF (The current project) and I could have ToE (A project we had written and detailed previously). He unfriended me from steam and any related social media outlets. That night, Scholt deleted every relevant file he had access to of ToE and put on private any files related to TbF. At that point I was highly confused and upset, and I very much lost my temper. I went onto his steam page, google page, and several of his youtube videos and spammed them with crude rants on how he should restore those files, where I was highly insulting. From there I lost nearly all of our mutual friends. I was fairly irrational, this was around the time where I had my big meltdown on the forums and left. From there, we exchanged several emails over the next few weeks and haven't talked since.

I just do not know what I did wrong. Scholt is a good person, and I don't believe this was just something that suddenly sprung up, but I don't what I did or how I could have avoided this. If anyone has ideas of questions to ask that might clear this up, I would like to talk to you, to figure out what I am missing.

 

It's hard to say without any details really. I'd say he did it out of pettiness.
He likely wanted you to come back to the team without having to tell you directly, or he's just an asshole and feels like the work he did on the ToE would go to waste if you took over, even if he wasn't doing anything with it

He had the power in his hands. He could delete the files and remove you from everything and there would be pretty much no consequence. You were already out of the group basically, so why let you have a game that he previously worked on?
Those were probably his thoughts. of course, you can try to add him or any one of the friends involved with the current project if you're able to get a hold of them

Either way, from the info you're providing, this doesn't look like your fault. it just looks like someone who was power hungry and upset had the chance to ruin this oppurtunity for you and took it. For was specific reason, who can say?

 

I would be hard pressed to believe he's that kind of a person. I remembered I still have my discord of the conversation, at least the aftermath convo, and I found a screenshot as well of our steam (Though, re-reading it, I guess i got my answer)

Spoiler: Discord

Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
I question your ability to lead.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Because I am unwilling to make a definitive statement with incomplete information?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
You can make this "incomplete information" of yours complete.(edited)
Tom has been telling you how to do this.
He bases his entire college career on helping people do this.
Listen to him.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
I did listen. I have done my research in this. I am not going into this blind
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Then show him what your research is.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
With the age of social media, and in a kickstarter pag in the lines of the one I am planning, there is not an accurate way to estimate how much money we will get
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
So how have others done it?
Bloodstained: Ritual of the Night
Indivisible
Shantae
They are all successes based off crowdsourcing. Wanna know how they did it?
Economic calculations.
This is what we need to do.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
What calculations? Be specific
Tell me exactly how you think this calculation will work
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Ask Tom. This is what he's been trying to explain to you.
I'm no economist.
Neither are you.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
No, but I know several people who are
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
He learned everything he knows from his father, a self-made millionaire who's an executive at Kellogg.
You're gonna doubt him?
You think you know more than he does? You dropped out of MCTI as a freshman.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
We are done. I have already spoken to people about this. As far as I am concerned, you are the leader of this team now. Congratulations. I have always known you don't actually listen to a word I say about anything, but I at the very least thought you thought I wasn't stupid.
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Alright.
I'll be sure to put you in the Special Thanks page.
Good luck and good night.
And to be fair, I didn't think you were stupid until Tom illuminated to me that this is fiscally illogical.
I'm not angry with you...I'm just angry at myself for letting you fucking dupe me.
That's pretty much all I have to say.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Before I go, know this: Whatever calculations Tom, a guy still in college however much he has learned, has for me? They are either identicle or inferior to the people who have been living successfully in the business world for years, who firmly believed the model I had to show them was not something I could feasibly predict
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Do you have a single fact to back that up?
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Do you?
I don't have any evidence
not on hand
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Tom showed me his. He's working on market analysis as we speak.
This is what he does.
He has an idea of what he's doing.
He knows you can't design a company's fiscal strategy on "what if"s.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
The start of our company was based on a 'what if'
Everything from there on out was to be planned
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
And if that "what if" fails, then all the dominos fall
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Not at all
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
That's exactly what's happened here.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
What happened here is I was suddenly assaulted on all sides for saying "I don't know yet"
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
That's because "I don't know yet" is not a valid answer for how you approach 30 planned years of production.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
That is not the answer I gave.
I said, and have only said, I don't know how our starting budget is going to turn out
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
That's why you find out what the starter budget is.
And before you say that's impossible
it IS
it is what every company in the world does
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
They do that when they actually have data
Where is our data?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
It's your responsibility to generate that data. How, you ask? Linear regressions. XNOVA. Market analysis. ANYTHING WITH A VAGUE SEMBLANCE TO STATISTICS.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
I don't know how to do that. The people I talked to said that is unlikely to be accurate, even if I did. Nor is it specifically my job to find such things out, though I suppose it would be my job to know it going into the future.
That being said, I didn't quite because of that
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Well, then figure out how to do it.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
I quite because you clearly had no respect for me
Ever
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
I didn't think you cared much for me either. Guess the feeling's mutual.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
What would possibly make you say that?
The nearly unending encouragement and willingness to work with you?
Doing everything I can to support what you were doing, and willing to talk just about whenever?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
I'll give you that, but for every word of encouragement there was a word of condescencion.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Like what
You mean how you would constantly put yourself down, and whenever I tried to compare you to me, you would call yourself inferior and dismiss whatever I had to say?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Constantly talking down to me as if I, acting snide and insinuating tension and discomfort among team members,
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
And I would only ever try and fucking help you, and point out that you are pretty fucking good at what you do?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Everything I did, you tolerated for your own benefir.
You said it yourself.
Everything I say just makes you a better person.
I'm a feeder.
And you knew it.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Dude, you are a good fucking worker
But you are apparently an incredibly disgusting person
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
As are you.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Because I have only ever tried to support you
Ever
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
I tried. I honestly tried.
But my patience broke tonight.
I supported you for as long as I was able to.
I convinced myself that this would work.
But then reality set in,
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
It would have worked
It still could work
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
If you think you can make it work, then by all means, assemble another team of people willing to work for free for your passion project.
As long as you delude yourself into thinking that you're a miracle worker who can make some Rube Goldberg machine of a company, then I can't see eye-to-eye with you.
Good night.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
I am genuinely shocked this is the kind of person you are
I have only ever wanted to support you in this.
Good night
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
I honestly wanted this to work too, but I've realized it can't.
Not as long as you continue to act like this.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Act like what?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Act like you're some sort of messiah who can set everything right when they don't even know where to start.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
When have I acted like that?
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Tonight, predominantly.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Through this entire discussion tonight, I have only said "I don't know"
That is hardly messiah talk
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
So what of your delusions of grandeur? Your talk of making a company that runs on donations and the goodwill of mankind? Your talk of making all of this work when "you don't know" where to even begin? Your talk of magically finding a budget?
It means nothing.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
Nothing means anything until it is something
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
That statement makes no sense.
I'm done. I have homework to do and an exam on Monday.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
You are acting like I have spoken like I can do this, 100% garuanteed, and I have never even thought there is a chance it wont
Schtolteheim - 09/23/2017
Good night and good luck.
Screename XivaKnight - 09/23/2017
When have I ever said anything beyond "This is how I want it to work if it can, it might not"