Finished Road to Recovery Giveaway

Wow this is.. hard. A road to recovery.. definitely a road I'm on currently. Starting back about 3 years ago I fell into a deep depression. My dad left, I lost a very close friend due to passing, and I was bullied out of school. One night I finally cracked, I started self harming and my mother threatened to take me to a mental hospital. That night my dad drove 30 minutes to come get me. He took me out for a drive and told me about his struggles in his childhood. He wasn't very fortunate and he was bullied like I was. That night made me realize how lucky I am to be where I am. I wanted to be happy, but I couldn't find it. We tried everything, clubs, medication, therapy. Nothing was working. About a year later I was playing on my Dad's competitive softball team. We picked up this girl named Kayla, and instantly she made me laugh. She's an amazing person and she will always be my best friend. That day my life changed direction and I was finally on the road to recovery. The years 2014 and 2015 had good and bad things about it. I met some great people, and a few upsetting ones, but that doesn't matter. I learned to surround myself with great people and a wonderful community. Although I found myself staying in my room more, I was actually more social. I'm thankful for the friends I've made over these past years. I started relapsing about 3 months ago, but I'm back on the road to recovery. I'm moving forward, and I hope it stays that way.

A few friends that mean the world to me, yes, includng you Frankie.
@Brahma
@Savannah Banana | SF
@Light
@hello my friend
@Shaddoll
@Shadow
@Guilty
@Grace YOU'RE IN MY HEART YOU TROLL.
If I didn't tag you, just know you're in my heart, even if I have a terrible memory.

 

I would really enjoy Elite or VIP+. As for any game of choice, I'd like to nominate @Jackie The Primal Wolf. For the LoL skin, I'd like to nominate @Machinekiller00

Growing up for me was incredibly tough. My family was quite poor and I turned to some awful things in order to find a way to keep us floating. I hurt a lot of people during this time period and looking back now, it's hard to really stomach it all. We lived in an apartment complex infested with bed bugs, which are the worst if you've never encountered them, and cockroaches. However, a few years ago my parents both found better jobs and we moved. I fell into a horrible depression and it was incredibly hard. I lost my love for so many things, such as writing. Those things that I lost made me feel like actual pieces of me were gone and it was devastating. Recently, I've been feeling better. The road to recovery is so difficult and for all of you that have posted here, my heart goes out to all of you. I'm always here if anyone needs to talk. Talking with @Jackie The Primal Wolf , @Machinekiller00 , and @kynwall (I love you nerds) who know so much about me has really, really helped. Knowing that they are there for me if I ever needed it really helps. I found peace with myself. I think the most important thing about dealing with depression is understanding your limits. You have to work to keep expanding those limits because unfortunately, unless the depression is simply situational, it will stick with you for your entire life. But we are not labeled as the lesser parts of ourselves unless we allow ourselves to be.

Next year, instead of being a senior in high school I will most likely be attending freshman year of college. I have re-connected with someone I've missed so much and I honestly feel kind of at home here in the community again. It's the cheesiest thing to say, but things get worse before they get better. It may be days or weeks before you finally reach that better, but just know it's there.

 

A terrible state? Damn...to get personal or not to get personal...

Eh let's go all out!
My terrible state spanned over the course of a few years. And I must admit, it hasn't been an easy road. Between losing my best friend to cancer, being a full time carer for my mother (who was battling with cancer and an autoimmune disease. She is cancer free now wew!), dealing with school and my inability not to aim for the impossible, taking care of my sister who is younger than I, my nan who is getting older, being there for my "friends" among other things it was hard. I fell into the worst mind set I have ever been in. This terrible state was hard to get out of and to be honest, I didn't help myself all that much. Instead of seeking help I stuck it out alone and that was one of the biggest mistakes I made. Yes it made me into the person I am today, but that doesn't mean that it actually helped me to begin with. I crumbled to say the least.

It was that point that I realised to get through this I need to find some support. I cannot stress enough how important it is to find support. I found support in a teacher whom I would consider my best friend and he was there for me for 4 years. When I moved from school and into "adult life" I found that support here, in this community. @Ravin has become that support for me now and I am so very lucky to have him here for me. He has supported me through some really tough decisions that I have had to face over the last 7 months and I will be forever grateful for that. Because of him, I am a stronger person.

All of the support I have found in these two people have made me the person I am today and have helped me out of this terrible state. Yeah some days are harder than others but for the most part, I did it. I made it out. I will never be able to repay those that have helped me. I will never be able to truly thank them for all that they have done for me because without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't be free from that mindset.

My biggest thing to take out of this is don't do it alone. Being alone sucks and it makes it hard. Even if you only want to go to one person, that one person is more than enough. At least having someone there, to fall back into when you are lost and broken makes it so much easier than dealing with it alone. Find strength in those around you.

Another thing I found that helped me was, find something you love. When I found this community and got into staffing, I found that it was something that I could come to, to escape everything. The pressure, the stress, the thrill of being in control of the servers was something that I found to be oddly comforting. I don't know why or how it ever came to be like that but I am honestly so glad that I found this community because it gave me a family. It gave me a home. A place to belong and it gave me something that I could throw myself into and get lost in. I think that is something very very important, that people who get stuck forget. They need to find something they love so that they have something they can turn to. Be it writing, video games, whatever, just find one thing that you know you can always turn to.

It's with this support and knowing that I have this community to take care of that keeps me out of that state of mind. It keeps me from that "terrible state".

Anyways I have rambled on long enough now. Sorry about the lengthy post
If I win, I would love the steam game!

Thanks for the giveaway brahamamama. And happiest of (early) birthdays to you!

 

I have the same technique as GimcSnooper I surround myself with people i care about. I also would like the rank vip permanent rank , and if not the game ark.
P.S i dont have the game LoL

 

For me, my Faith, church community, and A LOT of prayer has definitely been an outlet for painful times(wouldn't be alive with them). That or just isolating myself and being completely alone helps to gather my thoughts before doing something or saying something really stupid.

If I win, please give mine away to @Sickle

 

The worst states I've ever had is when I about 10-12 years old because I had a lot of my very close family members pass away including my brother, and that basically changed my entire perception of the world. I've basically just healed over time, and tried to do everything I do to the best of my abilities. I'm a very independent person, so having time to just chill and listen to music really helps me out.

If I win give it to @Disruptionz (Unless its the RP I want that shit).

 

I like the stories guys, but you're breaking my heart and making me return to my past. I will be increasing the winner count to 4, good luck to those who've entered so far.

 

May 13th 2015,

I was 18 years old, had just gotten hired at the theme park "Six Flags Magic Mountain" as a cashier in a gift shop. I was finishing up my second day of work, having to travel about 50 miles to go back home. I chose a beautiful back road to travel for a relaxing scenic drive. About 70% the way there, I was driving behind someone I really did not want to be behind, so I speed up and passed him. Next thing I knew a sharp right turn came out of nowhere and I suddenly spun the wheel to take on the turn at about 60 MPH my car started to drift and I could hear the tires screeching. I started fishtailing back and forth and I was trying like hell to take control of the wheel. I then steered too much left off the road and crashed into a berm. My car took to the berm as a ramp and my car started to barrel roll out of control. I remember the sounds of horror of Glass shattering, Metal twisting, and my heart pounding. I finally decided it was over and closed my eyes waiting to die. Then the car came to a stop after rolling about 5-7 times. I opened my eyes and didn't really want to believe what had just happened. I was in a very strange state and didn't know had just happened. People driving behind me were just now stopping to come check on me. I quickly realized I need to turn the ignition off in case something could lead from bad to worse. I was waiting to get out of the car. When I got out I had to see what had become of my car and I just totally lost it all with emotions.

To not make this story too long:

• I had to quit my job due to my loss of transportation
• My car was totaled
• I had received a point from the DMV which made my insurance bill raise substantially
• About 3 weeks later I got another car and went through hell and back to return it to the seller due to fraud

Still to this day I still can't believe how fortunate I was to live through such an amazing miracle. I'll share some pics of the car to those who are indeed more curious what I went through.

Truly if it wasn't for my seatbelt I wouldn't be here today. This horrific recovery made me see the better in life and just how suddenly and quick it could all go.

If you can spot the miracle these images show, then you'll truly believe in miracles after seeing it.

Spoiler: Images

http://imgur.com/a/0oRvs

 

For me one of the biggest things I had to do was let go of someone I loved because it was hurting me greatly. I loved her for 4 years, from freshman year to senior year I was always in love with her. It took me all that time to realize it wouldn't work out and that I should move on. Whether it be through my faith, my depression, whatever it was, I'm glad I got away from that awful situation somehow.

rp plz

 

Ayyy typical procrastinator here, I would leave homework for the literal last moment to do it. Also, I'm known to be very sickly and could have late work up the wazoo so it could get stressful just destroying any joy I could really have. So eventually after some meds and such i am back on my feet and my grades are higher than ever.
DR rank pls

 

Spoiler: dumb personal shit

Few different moments where I hit rock bottom, felt everything was over, and eventually overcame it.

One time while still in Highschool I just isolated myself in my room for weeks, skipping school and chain-smoking in bed while reading manga (Gantz). Couldn't eat anything, and it took a lot of effort to even reach the point where I could do something like read manga. For a while I would just lay in bed without leaving, trying my best to forget everything while the memories were all viciously attacking me. I'd sleep as much as I possibly could to get away from that. I was forcing myself to sleep so much that I could only really sleep for a few minutes at a time. Even in my dreams it all attacked me and turned into awful nightmares, but at least in the dreams the faces of people were skewed, and it was still a break from everything even though it was all still there, in a surrealistic way. I mean, I literally could do nothing but sleep and smoke. Even laying there doing nothing was constant agony, and every time I tried to do something it was so much worse. Everything around me was a reminder of what I didn't want to be reminded of. Myself as a person was a reminder, so there was definitely no escape. Just sitting there torturing myself every day for weeks - After a while I slowly just transferred the energy I was putting in to hate myself into reading, and ended up having one of the best weeks of my life, just alone with myself, no responsibilites, chainsmoking and reading Gantz. I love that memory, I yearn for the same feeling of going from all that pain to all that enjoyment often; nothing quite like it.

Most recent and worse time was interesting. I've felt suffocating depression stopping me from doing anything, but at least with that there was always the thoughts that whatever was causing this for me was over; it had already happened, and it wasn't my fault.

This time, however, was the absolute weakest I've ever been as a human being. I've had issues with depression and anxiety my entire life, gone through quite a few heartbreaks, and felt like being alive had become too painful a thing many times, but nothing has ever compared to this. The depression was the worst it's ever been, and I was impossibly afraid. My entire life was going through my eyes, everything I had worked for and wanted was about to be gone forever (if it wasn't already), I couldn't understand anything that was going on or why it was happening to me. The faces of everyone I knew and loved and trusted had all turned sinister, like a nightmare I often have. Cold and emotionless, laughing at me. No matter what I did I couldn't convey my thoughts and feelings and have them be understood, there was this barrier there blocking it all, as if I were trying to scream and nothing was coming out. I felt like I was a baby being ripped out of it's loving mother's arms and thrown into a lake while everyone just watched and didn't care enough to help. So unbelievably weak and helpless, I was pretty much just screaming at the sky. Tried so hard to sleep, but nothing ever came. After a long time I had exhausted myself so much emotionally that I passed out on the bathroom floor. Dreamed as though everything was back to normal, as if this thing had never happened, and woke up later only to realize I never left the nightmare, and that it's gotten even worse with age since I passed out.

In the end, I had to give up what I loved most in the world. I still don't understand why it had to come to that, but it did. For a while even after fixing everything, I was completely broken. My mind would suffer from these strange little things where everytime I thought about it all my brain would just shut off, and I'd find myself repeating the last word I said over and over for a couple minutes while shaking. Looking back, I can't believe that that weak person was me. I can't believe I was ever so vulnerable and helpless, it was like everything about me had just left, and I was this empty shell shaking in fear remembering the nightmare I had escaped from. Every night it hits me hard, wishing for that thing I loved so much, which I can't have. It's like a part of me was ripped out and lynched right before my eyes - my favorite part of me, no less. Regardless, I know I made the right decision, and that decision is probably the only reason why I'm still alive after such a thing.

Basically, the way I persevered from both of those situations, is just staying alive. Sometimes there's absolutely nothing you can do to help yourself, but wait and hope against all the seemingly impossible odds that it will get better. Because it does. If someone had told me that it was going to get better during that most recent one, I probably would have left it with my sanity in-tact.

If I win do the randomizer again and choose someone else - just felt like sharing.

 

Long story short, I've suffered through depression all my life, been a constant uphill battle with lots of slippery slopes that have sent me right back to the bottom, but one day, about 4 years ago when I took a year off doing anything and everything and just sat in my room, I decided to kick my ass into gear, packed my bags and moved to the east side of Canada to attend university, and also started to work on myself, lost 60 pounds in less than 5 months, and constantly kept working on myself and pushed myself to do more outside.

I've moved back to the west to join the military and to be with family again as I've hit somewhat of a stable state of mind, but I do have my slips back to the bottom, and I'm constantly fighting it still, but I'm still trucking forward trying to open as many doors as possible to make it easier, and I think the military will be the anchor I've been searching for all this time.

I can only really give one piece of advice, keep moving forward, no matter how low you go, you need to keep moving as there is something out there, somewhere, that will change your whole life for the better. And think about others, a lot of us put on an outside image to show people we are fine, but we are truly broken inside, don't judge people without knowing who they truly are.

 

I guess if everyone is telling there story I can too.

It all started in the first year of high school, were I got bullied alot for some reason. From that point I started to get very depressed and suicidal. after a year it started to get less. Another year later i moved to an other school. I was like an outsider, I knew no one, had no friends and was pretty much always alone. the year went past and I was starting to get depressed again. At this point i never told anyone what I was feeling... next school year was oke, I got a friend in class who i spent all the time with. that year i finished my exams with amazing results.

After high school I went to go study (sep 2015) wasnt a fun time. I started to get even more depressed and suicidal that I was before. I had to quit my study cuz I just couldnt take it. Finaly I got to the point that I told my mom how ive been feeling for years..
Eversinds ive been talking to doctors who have been trying to help me. even tho that didnt help talking to my friend online helped me the most. There some special people that mean everything to me. If it wasnt for them I would probably stille be depressed but after 5 year I can gladly say that im depressless <-- (thats a word and if its not i just made it up )

anyway I really love the friends who helped me through this hard time even though that probably didnt know it

My Scrub <3
@Faithful
Valeriia
Steven/Light
Kawaii
@DyRusky
MrFeelGood
@kynwall
King Test

And many more...

 

The darkest moment of my life had to be when I was about 13, my parents had gone through a rough divorce, despite the fact that they no longer lived together, I was still always in the middle of their constant arguments, I moved to a new school, and my lack of social skills and overwhelming awkwardness left me without a whole lot of friends. I hated school, I hated my parents, and I missed everything from back home. As I would assume many of us did (considering that we are community centered around video games) I used video games as my escape, truthfully, I hated that too, I kept thinking "If I had a few friends, I wouldn't be stuck in this basement with nothing but video games" Eventually, I met a really good friend I still know today by the name of Kyle, we had a lot in common, and we are still friends today, I honestly have no idea what I would have done if I hadn't met him, after moving, I hated every day of my life, and dreaded the next, thinking it would never get better for me, but I'm glad it did.

Entering for myself, thanks for this awesome giveaway

 

Recovered from weeks in the hospital, I got diagnosed with Crohn's and it was a living hell for me. Through all these experiences, I have learned a lot, but as anyone would think, no one would want to return to a condition so painful as that. Unfortunately, I am stuck with it for life but it is something I will have to deal with. Through games like this and scarce friends who help keep me up, I am doing way better than how I was doing a month ago.

Thanks for the Giveaway, Best wishes and good luck on the road to recovery. In my experiences, it is not the best road, but definitely, an interesting one.

 

Got kinda a few that all add up together.

When I was 4 years old I got a vaccine that is now recalled that gave me autism, Aspergers to be specific. I know a lot of people joke around or debate around autism/vaccines, but this is true. Because of this I had very bad speech issues and social issues which caused me to stop talking till about 10 years old. Through a lot of different therapies I got some help to talk and act socially acceptable.

The darkest moment I can recall is dragged out but peaked at 12 years old. My dad physically and mentally abused my mom a ton, she had to get a lot of surgeries. She ended up with a bucket of medical issues because of this. One night though it got to an extreme and my dad attempted to kill her. I for some reason stayed incredibly calm as I contacted the police to help, they sent a team of police or swat, I can't remember. They ended up subduing him with a mix of stun guns and raw force, he is serving 7 years in prison. Because he fractured my moms skull, she ended up developing tumors. She got brain cancer around a year after this incident, and took chemotherapy. Insanely she managed to beat it but still has bad medical issues that I help her with. But because of this trauma I had a mix of issues with school, partly social and partly lack of effort. I fell behind in my education and my social skills got worse, leading to worse social anxiety than I previously had. By my Freshman (9th grade) year of school I had a bad education and just awful social situation. Not to mention a bad stage of depression due to a lot of emotions overwhelming me. I didn't pass the year due to dropping out, my social anxiety got to intense. I'm still recovering trying to get a GED and job hopefully soon.

I didn't sign up before February 5th, just wanted to share.

 

I've battled depression i've watched my dog that i had since the first week it was born walk to a corner in my house curle up and stop moving I watched him die i also am one to leave homework until last second even atm I am trying to stop, i have also had depression and being around Family and friends helped a lot.

 

Will no longer be taking anymore entries and will randomize every name and the winners will be 1-4 on the list. If I have a good birthday, possibly might give a 5th winner of my choosing by story if it's allowed.

 

I used to be in a depressed state for about a year or two and that's how I had initially found the server, I couldn't stop playing, everyone was so nice and inviting. I ended up not leaving the house for a while and kept digging this hole of depression that I couldn't escape but I eventually overcame it when my true friends tried to help me and get me through it. Friends and human interaction really do matter and are necessary, as you can see by others posts.

 

There have been a couple times where i have gotten depressed due to stress from loads and loads of school work, and also relationship struggles and I found that sleeping help a lot, calms you down, and helps you think about how to deal with the depression which really helped.