THE SGM TIMES 9/16/20

THE SGM TIMES
September 16th, 2020
__________


Today on SGM we found out that @Humancowcakes ❀ is in a relationship!

Spoiler: Love is still in the air!

You can see here by Cowcakes', also known as Cashews or recently adafsdgfasfgaergzrgttzetrdgae, discord status that he is head over heels for someone named alexy! When asked about his relationship and the details of his love life, Cowcakes did not wish to disclose any information so we are left with complete mystery. Even though cowcakes shit on my past relationship, we at The SGM Times still wish him and his lady the best! And that's on not being toxic so you don't get forum banned! Cowcakes also refused to give his opinion on the 2020 presidential candidate Joe Biden.

An update from last weeks news, we did receive an anonymous tip that @RyanHighman does indeed live in a mini soda. Much like the ones pictured below.

Spoiler: Mini Soda

Thank you to the anonymous reader who provided this information for us. Remember that if you have any stories, information, updates, or tea to spill feel free to message me to be featured in next week's article!

Spoiler: Travis Scott Burger

As most of you probably know, McDonalds started selling a Travis Scott themed meal, including the Travis Scott burger, french fries, tangy bbq sauce, and a sprite! I decided to hit the dm's of SGM members to see who's tried it so far!

@thog has not tried it yet! He said he doesn't like Mcdonalds!!!!


@Peter also has not tried it. He said he wouldn't get onions on it!!! What a noob!


And @Lightning didn't know what the Travis Scott burger was but he said he ALSO doesn't like Mcdonalds!


So basically in conclusion Mcdonalds sucks and no one on SGM likes it.


And finally as you guys were all dying to hear the story! @gerafe literally kissed me on the mouth! It was so gross I projectile vomited on him!

STORY TIME!
So basically Gerafe picked me up at my house and he drove us to his grandma's house where we were going to do puzzles and drink pink lemonade. I was super excited to hang out but also to drink pink lemonade because who doesn't love pink lemonade?! Anyways once we got to his grandma's house I realized quickly this wasn't his grandma's house at all!!! It was an abandoned warehouse! He literally forced me to come inside the warehouse with him and then once we got inside there was actually a puzzle box and some pink lemonade so I sighed in relief knowing that I was gonna be safe and that he wasn't just luring me here to be murdered like last time! I then sat down and began working on the puzzle and before I knew it gerafe's tongue was down my throat and I instantly projectile vomited all over him and the empty warehouse floor! It was so gross I still can't sleep because of it. Obviously I called a taxi and went home immediately but gerafe won't stop calling me to try and make plans to hang out again. I don't think he got the hint when I vomited in his face. LOLZ xD Anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalks!


Finally I wanna wish a big Happy Birthday to @Frost ! Happy Birthday buddy!

Tune in next week for more news & updates about your favorite GMOD TTT community: SGM!


- Juicy Tenderloin
CEO OF THE SGM TIMES
JOURNALIST
PHOTOGRAPHER
EDITOR

​

 

Stupid.

 

This is like when you go to the store and you see those magazines saying all that hooplah that your mom picks out. Why read the SGM Times when the Daily SGM is outing corruption, deceit, and pedophiles. Juicy tenderloin will be featured in my next paper.

Also 10/10 true story, i dont have a tongue @Highwon cut it out because i was exposing too much. also forgot that we played Smite with my grandma

 

thats true! we did play smite! your grandma is an aphrodite main in smite! @gerafe

 

damn, did he like the puke tho?

 

what a story juicy

 

what about marg getting unbanned, smh 4/10

 

Travis Scott burger is unironically good and cheap af. You should all go try it

 

Ok

 

I usually don't eat that hot garbage but the Travis Scott Burger ain't bad.

 

My birthday is on the 17 of November I a better get a big birthday gift in the form of my name being mentioned under the birthday sections of the SGM times

 

If mcdonalds is the best burger place near you then you don't know what a real burger tastes like.

 

agreed, best burger I ever had was at a place called Tap 42 "The Drunken Goat" burger.



Lamb & Beef Blend • Whipped Goat Cheese • Arugula • Tomato • Onion • Dijonnaise • Purple Haze Raspberry Jam

 

Cowcakes has a girlfriend.

Bich I'm his girlfriend uwu

 

I HAVE A GF

 

ok

 

anyways

 

Jacques Berman Webster II Burger