I left the Serious Gmod community due to school and extracurricular activities last December. In the mean time, I was focusing on school and was doing very well. Anyway, some might say high school relationships are "stupid" or "overrated." If you do not know, I am 17 years old and I was with this girl for 3 years. A few weeks ago on 4/21 was my birthday. My girlfriend came over and we went out as well as went to a hockey game. After the game, we went back to her house and after 3 years you can kind of assume we have done stuff together as in sexual intercourse. The next night we went to a party and I got fucked up and of course since her and I were both fucked up, one thing lead to another. The next day I was in class and she texted me and broke up with me. On 4/20, she went to a party at one of my friends and told me she was smoking and shit. She lied our entire relationship about that stuff because she knew I was against it. I knew for months but never said anything because I didn't want to fight. I confronted her because I didn't want her coming to my house the next day on my birthday totally hung over. She claimed "I treated her like shit." The day after we broke up, I went over to her house to talk. She admitted she slept with my best friend on 4/20. Both of their excuses was they were "drunk af." After all this, I confronted my friend and destroyed everything I had to remember her. But wait... There's more... After all of this, all of my friends left me and chose drugs and alcohol over everything. At lunch, I sit in my car and don't talk to anyone at school. Suicidal thoughts were all in my head and I honestly didn't want to live anymore. At that point, I have now started going down the wrong path and can't stop. I am now going to parties every night and doing drugs and getting drunk as shit. I'm constantly waking up a a strangers house or sometimes in my car. My grades have started to slip and its the end of the year... I didn't make this thread for attention, I made this thread for advice and for feedback because I am in desperate need. Thank you, Cole A.K.A. Eski
Well first of all, you can definitely send me a pm Eski anytime if you wish to move this privately as this is a serious conversation. I want you to know that I will try to help with the best way that I can. I am extremely sorry about your girlfriend who seemed to matter so much to you. You are making a great decision in the first place by not trying to go back after her. I can't imagine the pain you are going through, and I am glad you posted here instead of not seeking help anywhere else. That was a great choice. I can understand in a sense the pain that you are going through. I resorted to other unhealthy ways for me and it took a long time to get over that type of pain. Besides that it is normal to feel pain. It would greatly help you to stop going to parties as that seems to be your outlet for all of your emotions and you are not properly healing. The best thing to do is stop going to the parties and take a few days and stay home and relax. Play some awesome video games while you are at it. It seems like soon as you got suicidal thoughts you needed that outlet so you went out to party to do drugs and get drunk which is not healthy in the long run and is certainly not going to help now. I am not blaming you for anything or saying you are wrong, as it does happen, we make mistakes, but the best way to recover first is to just relax and get away from the party to deal with the pain that is hiding below. If you start having some serious cravings over the drinking or doing drugs, tell your parents ( I don't know how they are as I don't know you too well). Be honest with them as nobody can help more than they can. If addiction sets in I can line up some rehab facilities for you and give you good recommendations. As far as the suicide thing I am so sorry that this is happening to you again, I can't imagine the intense pain you are getting. If you start making "plans" or thinking of ways to commit suicide, I want you to notify your parents straight away. If you aren't feeling comfortable talking to them I want you to call this number the next time you are considering suicide 1-800-273-8255 . If you are just having thoughts, of course send me a message and I will try to help you with the way that I would have to handle these thoughts myself. Edit: A great thing in addition to that is to leave that group of friends "who aren't friends in my opinion to do that to you." Find a new group, I know that is extremely hard, but find someone that you can relate to and just start from there. It helps to know somebody is there for ya. It is probably for the better that you aren't friends with that group and or still with that girl because they both seem like a terrible influence. I wish you all the luck man and again PM me if you want to talk.
Eski, I know we don't really know each other all too well- and I can't even imagine how hard that all was to go through. I've had my share of shit ass people in my life and shit ass relationships but I won't sit here and act like I know how you're feeling or how that relationship must have been. I do want you to know that despite us not really talking, I have been through depression. It's still a struggle, I was in the hospital once. And you are not alone. If you ever need to talk, about anything... or just need to rant. I'm here and I will always do my best to help you. Nobody deserves to feel this way, nobody deserves to go through this alone. Feel free to message me, no matter what time it is or what it may be about. Even if you just want to talk about something random and don't feel like having a really deep conversation. Judgment free zone and I'm pretty good at keeping important things to myself. -Milo
In addition to that, if you aren't comfortable talking to any one of us here, there is a huge list of people to talk to on the first page listed here. One of them might be somebody that you know and it would be easier to talk to them. https://www.seriousgmod.com/threads/serious-talks.19528/
Trust me, I have left that group of friends. I don't talk to anybody at school except people that are in the Drumline with me. Otherwise, I have learned to trust no one and keep to myself. That's exactly why I sit in my car by myself during lunch.
Well it is good that you left that group, that shows some extreme maturity that a lot of people lack. Great job on that. Do you have friends that are in drumline that you can sit with at lunch? Also I know it may be hard, but we are social creatures and need a social aspect otherwise we will feel depressed and lonely and it will effect your emotional health in a negative way. There is someone at lunch that you could find to become friends with and sit and talk to. Maybe find someone else that is alone. That is what I did, when I had a complete turnover of friends because they made choices I didn't agree with. There was this one kid who always sat alone, and one day I was tired of being alone so I went up to him and asked if he minds if I join him, he became one of my most trusted and best friends as we had no cliches or groups tied to us and we were just honest with each other. Trust me there is somebody out there who would love to talk to you and would even benefit as much as you would for talking to them.
Healing takes time and won't happen overnight. That's the only useful advice I can give you. Sounds like you could benefit from a real therapist rather than people behind a screen. Ultimately, you have almost complete control over where your life goes. Take care
I think @Drunk Dog could give you some good advice since he's been in your situation and much worse from what I've heard. As for my part my advice would be to find a Christian youth group or maybe boyscouts to be with since those are friendly and clean regulated environments where you can be yourself without fear and have fun and learn new things. Good luck with all
As someone that was in a dangerous life like that, if you need help from somebody with experience then PM me and/or add me on steam. We'll get you put on the right path. Good luck.
I'm straight edge so I have nothing to say on that, but I am a victim of being suicidal after having my happiness just disappear from either a bad ending term relationship or just wanted no part of any activity (even school.) Both times I had my dad save me from the horrid sequence, my mother couldn't because she was just hateful and made matters worse. Talk to people like us, we care and we listen. One thing you should know is Karma's a bitch (I've experienced it and even all the people who backstabbed me experienced it yet they thought it was just bad days.) So never feel down about yourself because a lot of things can change as long as you didn't mean any harm to any situation then you should feel good. Shoot a PM if you need a chat and I can share a few experiences similar to this and how I managed to get out of this black hole.
Don't blame drugs and alcohol, blame yourself, and then work to fix all the shitty things about yourself that lead your girlfriend to cheat on and leave you. Don't be so controlling and judgmental next time around, realize everyone is human and has needs, if you're in a relationship let your partner be human and do what they want. If your girlfriend has to lie to you about her smoking weed to not hurt your feelings then honestly you probably suck. You obviously stigmatize drugs too much to have any sort of clear understanding of what they actually are. You're 17, obviously everyone smokes weed and drinks. Fuck, if anything your girlfriend was a saint. Girl I used to date was doing coke and gettin' anal fucked at 16. All my friends were smoking weed and drinking when they were like 11 wtf. Relationships end. People cheat. Don't overly romanticize love or expect love to be some innocent fairytale-esque shit; don't expect your partner to be some sort of manic pixie dream girl. In the same sense that when I see a nice ass at whole foods and think about how I wanna get on that, I've come to expect anyone I'm in love with to have similar desires cause we're all human beings no matter how much we like to pretend we aren't. You got cheated on because of a combination of your girlfriend being a human being and you pretending you aren't. If she felt she had to keep things from you in order to not hurt your feelings, then she obviously felt restricted by you and your emotional immaturity, which obviously leads to resentment when you feel like you can't do the things you want to or be who you want to because someone is stopping you. So yeah big surprise you got dumped, huh? Honestly you're 17. Of course you're like this, everyone your age probably is, and now you're just going through something everyone goes through. Acting out in what you perceive to be an act of self-harm because of your drug stigma, both as a way to cope with your emotions, and probably as an act of emotional manipulation to make your ex feel bad for you. You're gonna rebound eventually and get over it temporarily so w/e, it's honestly not important. So let me outline the ways that this can go for you: 1: You can be immature and stupid and kill yourself, obviously proving to the world that you didn't ever truly love your girlfriend as an actual person, and instead only loved her as an appendage of yourself, as you would be ruining her life by killing yourself over her, and everyone would blame her for your death because all your friends are 17 and stupid and don't know any better, and then they would eventually all just get on with their lives, grow up, and realize how dumb they were and how immature they acted when they were 17, (and how dumb and immature you were for killing yourself over something so stupid) while you just stay there dead and rotting away as the corpse of a dumb immature 17 year old corpse who never truly experienced life. 2: You can continue to spiral out of control, drop out of school, and just become a junky. I mean it's all right, there's some pretty sick times there for sure, but you're still being immature and missing out on everything that's truly sweet in life. 3: You can do what most people do and continue to resent your ex, develop a phobia of infidelity (and anything else that you blame for ending your relationship with your ex) that will follow you throughout your life and future relationships keeping you trapped by your negative emotions and unable to actually truly love anyone or be loved because you lack self-worth and have trust issues, and just go from breakup to breakup projecting your insecurities onto others until they can't stand being around you anymore, never truly learning anything from those relationships and never truly experiencing what an actual healthy, good relationship feels like until you settle with someone who puts up with you but is as afraid of being alone as you are, while you both probably cheat on eachother while keeping it secret until one of you dies. 4: You can look at your faults and blame yourself for this breakup. Look at the many reasons why it happened, the many reasons why you're shit, and then work on fixing those reasons until you reach a state of truly loving yourself as a person, and your ability to be hurt by others is greatly diminished. People are more attracted to you, you're more confident and fine with being broken up with/being single because you know that it's all going to work out for you and that there's literally too many people that you can fall in love with and have amazing relationships with, and life's too short to date them all. Every breakup is a blessing in disguise, and all your relationships are a lot more fun and healthy because you're not being a bitch the whole time and can actually just have fun without worrying about shit or playing stupid games with your partner, having dumb fights and keeping secrets. Life will become real good and you'll come to understand how stupid the emotions behind this thread were. Trust me, been there. Anyways, yeah. Take it from me, drug addict guy who was in a relationship for 4 years with a girl I loved for 7 years, who is now simply just a real good friend of mine and her new boyfriend is my best friend. Life is finally good after 10 months of depressing hardship and working to better myself, my relationships are nothing but fun, cured my anxiety and depression, and don't even really drink or do drugs anymore (except that little drug binge a couple nights ago that I'm still hungover from) cause life is just really nice sober. Drugs and alcohol used to be a crutch that I needed to function every day, now they're just something that can make life a little more fun but generally aren't worth paying for. These days my relationships are started on the grounds of "we're gonna date a bit then breakup. i might cheat on you, you might cheat on me. let's have fun together". I don't go full on "open relationship" cause honestly I don't mind monogamy too much, and it's pretty cute to me cause i'm a romantic, but I keep exclusiveness ambiguous because I understand that things happen, and I don't feel like being restricted and neither does anyone I date. Interestingly enough, knowing that it's an option to fuck other people generally makes me and whoever i'm with not care so much. Just got dumped by a girl I was in love with (this time because my jokes are too insensitive and I guess I gotta fix that) and I'm obviously heartbroken and miss her, wished we dated longer cause she was a lot of fun and had some real nice nipples, but I'm also fine cause I'm fine with myself and being single, and excited to find out what kind of person I fall in love with next (people are all so different in so many ways, it's exciting!). So yeah, idk. Life's great, it's just full of all these different potential soul mates that are all so different in so many great and interesting ways, and you learn from and experience new things with each one. It's incredible. Stop being a bitch and stop blaming drugs. Work on yourself and enjoy life.
Having a person, or people to share with about these kinds of feelings can be a blessing. I didn't have one and was suicidal (actually attempted). A huge props to you for doing this, we appreciate it and feel free to throw me a friend request on Steam, I like to help others in such situations.
i was on ghb when i wrote that and did my mean swearword guy routine. that's embarrassing. imagine the same message but more chill, thanks.
This made me cry. I have thoughts and the actions I've taken in the past and near the present, and I have been acting on those thoughts. If you need help, or a talk I would love to talk to you. It's always good to have somone who is experiencing the same thing as you, maybe they don't have those thoughts for the same reason, but they have those thoughts. So like everyone else has said if you need a friend, or just someone to talk to. I'm here.
